Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
