Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
