I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
