what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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