This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
