Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
