it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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