Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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