i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
