I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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