Girls should come with a carfax report
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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