I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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