Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I believe in your delicious
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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