Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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