I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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