Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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