It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
