What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
