my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
