I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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