Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
