Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
