that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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