I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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