Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
