remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
