Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
