I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
tell me about the eggs
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