R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
