a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
