oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize