OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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