Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
