Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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