Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
