just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
