I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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