My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
