I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
