If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
