I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
