you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
