Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
