hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
