Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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