I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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