I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this hospital has no fireball
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
