my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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