I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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