the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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