I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
