the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
