YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
