that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even my vagina gasped.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
