that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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