One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I AM VODKA MAN
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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