it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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