Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
