she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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