I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
