Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
