bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
