OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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