I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Couch. On fire.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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