shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
