dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize