what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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