in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
