I need to stop coming to work sober
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
