Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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