My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
