...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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