I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
