I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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